Saturday, 30 June 2007

omoge lepa sisi


Came across a post called REFLECTIONS about women- body issues and eating disorders. When I see these kind of articles as it concerns Nigerian womenIi really enjoy my self.
I used to be really teased about being skinny.I was called all sorts of names. one in particular always made me cry- lepa. I really really hated that word. my younger sister used to all me flip-it (from rush hour when Chris tucker took Jackie Chan's badge and does the flip-it open and flip- it close thing).
I tried every thing to add weight but nothing helped.

Then my personal savior came along and freed me from the shackles of the tongues of ojuelegba touts.

When Agbani Darego won the miss world competition in 2001(?),the impact was immediate in my life. Suddenly it was cool to be skinny, actually, it was sexy to be slim(yep-skinny then,slim now).
I just started dating HIM then, we were strolling( actually, those were owu days, so more like slapping) when a guy whistled at me and said 'omoge lepa sisi'.
Wow! it is sisi now abi?
HE was so proud(the mumu).

I'm enjoying my last laugh. I love to look for pictures of all those sexy girls from sec. school , they are all fat and ugly now every single on of them. and I'm loving me

I am a bitch?

Friday, 29 June 2007

Tuesday, 5 June 2007

brazil vs naija

brazil and nigeria have so many things in common.but even though the two countries are both 3rd world countries, i have found that attituds and not really technological advancements are the major differences between these 2 countries.. i'll explain-

things we have in common

  • football.- went out to lunch and the topic turned to football as it almost always does and just as i was about to ask what happened when we (nigeria) wooped their asses at the olympics,this guy starts to talk in really angry tones about the france 98 world cup finals, well lets just say i know when to zip it.

super eagles

  • suffering and smiling

we nigerians hail ourselves for being able to get on it with no matter how bad it is. we used to be the happiest country in the world but a guy here showed me a book where brazil is now in first place and we are now second best(2006). which brings me to another big factor. i dont know what yaradua is upto but guys try we can win back what might be our only good no1 spot in the world.

  • population and poverty

i dont know what the stats are on poverty in nigeria but i'd always heard about the disparity and wide gap between the rich and the poor in brazil. in lagos the beggers you see on the streets are usually disabled but you still come across one or two with(sob) stories to tell because they know nobody will send them unless one leg is missing or something. but ive only seen like two lame guys.

oshodi, lagos

A favela, rio de janeiro

  • babes and beaches

okay, so brazil is best known apart for foot ball for beaches and sexy chicks, we have beaches too but we need to learn how to attract the money. we go to the beach too, we have fun, eat fish, have parties. i think we just dont have the bikini thing down yet.

copacabana chicks

Alpha beach, lagos

coming up

  • Carnival
  • energy
  • and power
  • etc


story of a college girl



This is a story from University of Lagos about a young college girl who
passed away last month.
Her name was Shola. She was hit by a truck. She had a boy friend named
Ade. Both of them were true lovers. They always hung on the phone. You
could never see her without her cell phone. In fact she also changed
her
phone from Glo Mobile to MTN, so both of them can be on the same
network, and save on the cost and get good network coverage. She spent
half of the day talking with Ade. Shola's family knew about their
relationship. Ade was very close with Shola's family. (Just imagine
their love).

Before she passed away she always told her friends "If I pass away
please bury me with my handset she also said the same thing to her
parents. After her death, people couldn't carry her coffin, I was
there.A lot of
them tried to do so but still couldn't, everybody
including me, had tried to carry the coffin, the result is still the
same. Eventually, they called a Feng Shui Master. He took a stick and
started speaking to himself slowly. After a few minutes, he said "this
girl misses something here". Then her friends told the Master about her
intentions to bury her with her phone.He then opened the coffin and
places her phone and SIM card inside the casket. After that they tried
to carry the coffin. It could be moved and they carried it into the van
easily. All of us were shocked.

Shola's parents did not inform Ade that Shola had passed away. After 2
weeks Ade called Shola's mom. Ade: "I'm coming home today. Cook
something nice for me please. Don't tell Shola that I'm coming home
today, I want to surprise her." Her mother replied..... "You come home
first; I want to tell you something very important." After he came,
they
told him the truth
about Shola.

Ade thought that they were playing pranks. He was laughing and said
"don't try to fool me - tell Shola to come out, I have a gift for her
and please stop this nonsense".

Then they showed him her grave. He said... "It's not true. We spoke
yesterday. She still calls me.

Ade was shaking. Suddenly, his phone rang. "See this is from Shola, see
this..." he showed the phone to Shola's family. All of them told him to
answer. He talked using the loudspeaker mode. All of them heard his
conversation. Loud and clear, no cross lines, no humming. It was the
actual voice of Shola & there was no way others could use her SIM card
since it was nailed inside the coffin. They were so shocked and asked
for the Feng Shuie Master's help again. The Master brought his
co-masters to solve this matter. He & his co-masters worked for 5
hours.Then they discovered one thing...

MTN has the best coverage. Where ever you go,
their network follows
(hahhahahahaha J )!!!

ps
i cant believe i posted this on my blog becos i f@#%ing hate MTN.

Monday, 4 June 2007

doggy style

dont know how old it is but i just came across a bbc article about nigerians and dog meat. there is a picture of a guy demolishing what must be this delicacy. i can only imagine chibuzo's thoughts as he explained to the reporter why he eats dog meat because truth be told we love nothing bettere than to rile white folks. chibuzo doesnt eat 404 because of nyama nyama disease, is it impossible to belive the meat is probabaly really good? i went on to a few other blogs and found many reactions (rage mostley from the nigerians). Even though it is true that dog meat isnt really common and i've never had it(cant be too sure ), i cant understand why nigerians are being defensive about, it is just meat- no biggie, you know oyibo will get upset. downside is we know that bbc has blown what ever chances we had of paris hilton coming over to see if the hilton in abuja makes enough to buy a new purse for tinkerbell.i guess personally i wouldnt mind long as i dont know before i eat it(same way i ate my first snake)

in another blog it is asked if anyone would eat dog meat to as a last resort and the answer i liked best is below followed by part of the original article



laugh.gif laugh.gif laugh.gif ....anyway poverty and hunger causes this, still no matter how hungry I am I would never eat this

Dogs' dinners prove popular in Nigeria
By Senan Murray
BBC News website, Abuja

Man eating dog meat
Dogs are scarce in Abuja because many now eat dog meat openly
The famous reverse news headline "Man bites dog!" is old news to some restaurants in Nigeria's capital, Abuja.

"Welcome to animal kingdom where man pikin dey show dog pepper," says Chibuzo Eze in Pidgin English, meaning: Welcome to place where the son of man is giving dogs a hard time.

Mr Eze then hungrily gets back to tugging his chunk of dog meat.

He is standing under a mango tree in "South Africa", the name of an open-air restaurant hidden behind the living quarters of a Western construction firm in Abuja.

"It is called South Africa because behind those high walls you'll find rich Europeans and outside here is Soweto, where we, ordinary masses, struggle with dog meat," Mr Eze explains with a smile playing on his face.

'Improves your sex life'

Mr Eze says he eats dog meat because "e dey protect person from all those nyama-nyama disease them" - it gives you immunity from different diseases.

DOG MEAT TERMINOLOGY
404: A dog is also called 404 after the French-built Peugeot pick-up van, a tribute to a dog's ability to run fast
Headlights: A dish with the eyes of a dog as the most prominent component
Gear Box: Dog's liver, heart and kidneys (usually more expensive than ordinary meat)
Tyre: A dog's legs. Mr Umoh claims that eating a 'tyre' makes you a fast runner
Telephone: A dog's tail
Sentencing: The act of clubbing a dog to death rather than slaughtering it.

ps

i wonder if i can get any snails to cook in brasil, that one concern oyibo.

Sunday, 3 June 2007

oh say can they see?


its no wonder a lot of people are becoming a bit anti american( please if you pronounce this word as antie, you'd do well to leave now) its funny(as long as you are not the butt of the joke) when they use words like spic, say canada is like michigan without the culture or secretly wish muslims would just -poof. it is strange to find out after all this time that they didnt win the vietnam war inspite of everything chuck norris showed us, now watching rocky 4 is not as exciting as it used to be. Of course if its a bad movie maybe it belongs to bollywood.

why do they always get to be the goodguys. if any body else tries we know they have to be terrorists.

joke

so its an international meeting of sorts and everyone is being introduced.

-hello my name is okoro, I'm a Nigerian and I'm a fraudster.

-'its nice to meet you okoro.

-I'm abu, I'm Iraqi and a member of al-quaeda.

-'funny fellow, you've got jokes'


the American goes last. '

-hi my name is john smith and I'm American'

perfect silence


with a tap on the back somebody says

'oh, well we cant all be perfect'.

Saturday, 2 June 2007

rainy days

rainy days magnify
i like the fact that i have a new place to whine and talk sh#@. i can pretend I'm talking to myself while secretly hoping to see what other people think. i cant make up my mind though if i should ramble about any thing or be restricted to...
anyway its a beautiful day, the sun isn't out though but i like the weather. its cool and refreshing, unfortunately, I'm in Rio De Janeiro, Brazil. i never saw a people more unhappy when they cant be at the beach.its like the beach wont still be there tomorrow. haba!
i just want curl up at home with a good book or catch up on desperate housewives. i love it when it rains. i can stay indoors and listen to Carl Thoma's' summer rain over and over. apart from the fact that its a great song, its my caller id tone on his phone. did i mention i love him?

literary giant


I've been to bed but cant sleep. i don't know why I've been thinking about school, every thing i learnt and perhaps what i didn't. i read English and English literature. i love literature even more and learnt to hate English(its technicalities) Noam Chomsky just seemed to have this idea that English students should be punished for not getting any maths in their curriculum. i just found out the guy isn't even dead yet. i thought people only became giants in their fields after they died and get to have students sweat fifty years later over theories they made as complex as possible.
anyway, i was in bed wondering why i lay claims to knowledge of the literary arts because it seems to me now like i left every thing i was taught in the exam halls.
i should be able to have lenghty conversations about Edgar Allan Poe or the guy who wrote The Native Son( i think his name starts with an R).i cant remember a thing about Paradise Lost or who said 'thy beauty is to me like those nicean barks of yore'(?)this is also one of the few lines i can say all by myself.
I remember a little about Shakespeare though. his works are not music to me but i understand why they still have a contemporary relevance.




Wole Soyinka , i adore. first time i was introduced to immortality via the arts it a very euraka-ish moment albeit a silent one as i'd have been sent out of class. soyinka took this away from me but i forgive him now.
he was only probing, its what poets do. i love especially how he made sure just in case the rest of us dont get him, we use pictures of him in our blogs because he looks really 'arty'
i wish Christopher Okibgo survived the Biafran war, his prophetic poems make him seem like he was a simple man. I've never understood why the middle Eastern or western gods have such a hold on us Africans. Idoto seems to me as good as any.
But thats a whole other topic.

Friday, 1 June 2007

my first

i had a great topic for my first blog but decided to change it.
it was supposed to be about being raised catholic but i remembered in time that religion is always a great wayto piss people off.
and i dont want to that , at least not just yet. so today women, will be dedicated appropriatly to the day we became women- our very first time.
NO!!
NOT THE FIRST TIME WE HAD SEX, but the first time we saw our periods.
I was 13 when i saw my first period. i had been expecting it for a while, i had a friend who already saws hers so it was really no biggie and yet i screamed when i saw it. and who came rushing to see what was wrong if not daddy. i cant remember who was more embarrassed but more importantly, i soon learnt to use this to my advantage.
i learnt that daddy didnt want to know any details if it had to do with my period. so if i needed extra money all i had to do was make a'let the earth open up and swallow me' face and say 'my period came and...."
if i wanted to get out of any work, i made the appropriate face and mumbled 'cramps..'
and i find that even though daddy knows now its a trick he knows not to dabble in what might be a sticky situation.
ive always wondered what that makes of me?

Female and Nigerian

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Semi retired feminist, closet online shopaholic, avid googler, unapologetic foodie who refuses to count calories until they are an acceptable means of barter.

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