When I had my son and he was placed in my arms, I waited for the rush of love that was supposed to flood me and there was nothing. I remember even thinking he wasn't even cute (he really wasn't)
I'm just one of those people who needs time to 'warm up'.
Enabe was one of those people who used words like bitchy to my online face (after we became friends)
I don't know how or why we became Facebook friends or rather, real friends via Facebook. I'd known him while I was at university and we certainly weren't friends (although he reminded me later he typed my project for me)
Years later I'm married and living in Brasil. We become Facebook friends and chat sporadically. It's light and friendly,respectful and sometimes spar-ry we talk about Dave Chappelle, and TV and why do Africans become African when they move abroad. He answered this question later when he moved to Russia.
I moved back to Nigeria
New mother and busy.
No time to chat
Then we talk about Mandela and why I don't like him, about the oxymoron that is being atheist and Nigerian. He tells me his age and I can tell he is sensitive about it. I realize he is my friend.
My family moves again and a better internet connection means we don't have to type to talk.
Some days ago Enabe sends me a message 'call me na...na wa for you o'.
It's strange. We only talk on Skype if we both happen to be on same time.
I call him and he wants me to watch an Oliver the Coque video, explain some Igbo words.
It's a long call, every time it's about to end, we find something new to talk about, he asks when I can send him something I am writing and then asks me to visit his friend pearl's blog. We talk about Kendrick Lamar and Ebola and going to Nigeria. He hates that the two TV shows with strong black women have white men issues.
He says I should continue with my old blog and then I 'bounce' him because I have to go pick up my kids, he says yeah he has to go play basketball.
It certainly was not a special conversation
Except it is, because Enabe is dead.
Enabe is dead
Enabe is dead.
Enabe is dead
Does not compute.
I have been waiting for it to be real. I bathe the kids and think 'Enabe is dead' then laugh.
Shit cannot be real.
Enabe slumped playing basketball (two days after we spoke)
Today I am glad for all the times we text-ed instead of talking. I can go back and read his words and laugh. (And finally I am crying)
and the lord said to me... he said
'when you find a beautiful, witty girl with a formidable sense of individuality, love for football, video games and an affinity or all things Linux(especially Ubuntu, redhat, SLED and backtrack linux), you never let her go, feel me?
'cos if you do, i will find you, and i will kill you.'
and i'm like, yess lord..yess lord (sic)
in the time it took Floyd Mayweather to make $32 million (36 minutes) I made some pretty sick noodles.
'i will die someday and it will matter absolutely nothing what anybody says about me after my death.whether they sing my praises(fairly or unfairly) or they cuss me out (justly or unjustly) -(private conversation)
I can't believe we will never get to smoke a joint together (we probably never would but it was nice to talk about it)
I cannot imagine what his family and people who really knew him must feel to be blindsided by this news.
Shit just cannot be real.